How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong by Leslie Vernick – The common denominator in all of our destructive behaviors is that we are acting on something that is not true. Gain a new perspective on the troubles God allows in your life. Come on a journey of personal growth and spiritual discovery as your heart is drawn back to a central tenet of the Gospel: Truth isn’t something you learn, but Someone you know. And the truth will set you free.
[31] So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, [32] and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32 ESV)
“When troubles come our way, most of us respond by trying to change the situation or the person we believe causes the trouble in our life. . . . Our biggest button pushers are usually the people we interact with and are closest to. We find ourselves wishing they would change so that we would be happier – or at least not so angry or frustrated. We tell ourselves that if only they would be more loving, more submissive, more dominant, more obedient, more respectful, more helpful, more whatever, then we could respond better to them and not get so upset. We play a waiting game. I’ll change if or when you do.
To get out of this no-win pattern, however, we must begin to see that it is our relationship with God, not another person’s actions or lack of actions, that will help us to grow, change, and respond rightly.” (pg 57-58) When you experience difficulty with another person, what is your default setting? a) They need to change -or- b) I need to change
The Importance of Self-Examination
“Examining ourselves is not an easy process and is often set in motion by the troubles or tests that we face. . . . As Christians many of us know a great deal about the things of God. We have read the Bible and many other good books about living the Christian life. Yet when we try to put those biblical concepts into practice, we stumble. . . . We find that what we know on one level we can’t necessarily apply on another.
[What trips you up in living the life principles you already know?]
. . . God tests us because of his great love for us. . . . Our relationship with God is so important that he doesn’t want us to fool ourselves, thinking that by merely following the rules of a particular denomination or by subscribing to certain creeds we have relationship with him while our hearts may be a long way from loving him.” (pg 58-60)
[21] “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. [22] On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ [23] And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’ (Matthew 7:21-23 ESV)
Paul tells us to examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith.
[5] Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test! (2 Corinthians 13:5 ESV)
How do you test yourself? Does testing yourself communicate doubt about your salvation?
[6] If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. [7] But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. (1 John 1:6-7 ESV)
Understanding Our Responses to Troubles
“As we examine our responses to the troubles we experience, we will begin to understand that our responses come from what is going on inside of us, not from another person’s behavior. Actions arise out of our heart as we respond with our feelings, our thoughts, and our behaviors.” (pg 61)
The Way We Feel
“Every trouble we face calls forth an emotional response from us. How do you feel when you are in the midst of trouble. Do you feel irritated? Discouraged? Angry? Pressured? Guilty? Anxious? [most of us have a common category of response] Most of us, if we are honest, don’t experience the more positive emotions in the midst of our troubles. We don’t feel happy, content, joyful, peaceful, or relaxed. We feel upset!” (pg 61) What tends to be your “go to” response?
“Once you can discern the general category of feeling, try to narrow it further; go up or down the scale of intensity. Are you very sad? Are you a little bit scared? Different words describe various intensities of emotions. For example, a little bit angry is irritated. A great deal of anger is furious. Terrified describes a heart full of fear, and a little nervous is a less intense version of anxious.” (pg 62) Do you think, as a society, we tend to exaggerate our emotions? How does this hurt us personally?
“Other people find it difficult to identify or admit their feelings because they believe or have been taught that as Christians they “should” or “shouldn’t” feel certain emotions. (pg 62) What impact, if any, has this common belief had on your Christian walk?
. . . Our emotions are a very real part of who we are as human beings. Examining ourselves means becoming aware of what we feel. Jesus experienced a full range of human emotions.” (pg 63)
[5] And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was restored. (Mark 3:5 ESV)
[33] When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. [34] And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” [35] Jesus wept. [36] So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” (John 11:33-36 ESV)
. . . Becoming more like Christ doesn’t mean cutting ourselves off from our feelings or pretending that we only feel the more positive range of emotions. It is crucial to be honest with ourselves about how we feel; however, it is not always helpful to share every feeling we have with someone else. Our emotions can be intense and real, but – unlike Jesus’ emotions – they are also tainted with or own sin and pride. In our psychologized culture we have become emotional exhibitionists and are encouraged to “let it all out” for the sake of feeling better.” (pg 63) . . . “Our feelings ought to inform us, not control us.” (pg 64) How does this discernment about our feelings reveal Christ in us?
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