(This message series is inspired and excerpted from He Loves Me! by Wayne Jacobsen.)
What Fear Could Never Achieve
The Tyranny of the Favor Line – God is good. You are bad. Try harder!
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. (1 John 4:18 ESV)
“What is the favor line? It’s the invisible line that tells us whether or not we’ve met enough of someone’s expectations to merit approval. It’s impossible to live in this world without recognizing the favor line’s impact on every area of life.” (p. 45) What have been you’re experiences with the favor line?
“Our parents had one. We knew what made them proud of us, what brought their displeasure or even anger. If your parents’ expectations were fair you could play the favor line, acting especially kind when you wanted something from them, or hiding behind their backs what you knew would merit punishment. If your parents’ expectations were unreasonable, then maybe you grew up without any approval at all.
We found the same favor line when we went to school, though it existed there in a graduated scale. The higher the expectations we met, the better the grade we received and the greater the approval from teachers and parents.
It didn’t take us long to discover that our friends had favor lines as well to derive the benefits of their friendship. Disappoint them, however, and our so-called friends could turn on us in a heartbeat— as we would on them. We found the same line in the work world as well. Those who achieved or exceeded expectations found themselves in the bosses’ good graces, with all the perks that favor brought.
We’ve learned to survive in this world by currying favor where we need it, so it is only natural to assume that God has a favor line as well.” (p. 45) How do you know whether you have met God’s expectations? Do you merit his approval? King David expressed so eloquently how the favor line superimposes itself on our pursuit of God:
Who may worship in your sanctuary, LORD? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? 2 Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. 3 Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends. (Psalm 15:1-3 NLT)
“Other lists in Scripture seem to underline his assertion— the Ten Commandments, the Great Commission, the fruits of the Spirit, just to name a few. It is easy to see why people who seriously pursue God end up with a favor line drawn across their lives and why they think they can assess at any moment how God feels about them by whether they are living above or below it.” (p. 46) “How many of you think that you pray enough? Read the Bible enough? Or witness enough?”
“Trying to live under the weight of David’s list, or anyone else’s, would disqualify every one of us from God’s presence and his favor. . . The only way to feel good about it is when you think you’re at least doing more than other believers around you. But you know intrinsically that you’ll never be good enough.
This problem is compounded whenever we encounter difficult or painful circumstances. Who doesn’t wonder at such times if he or she is being punished for not being good enough? We joke about it in the most trivial ways, such as getting stopped at consecutive stoplights. “Wow, you must not be living right,” someone invariably observes.” But it’s no joking matter when we suddenly lose a job or face a life-threatening disease. The tyranny of the favor line is unrelenting, never allowing us to be certain of how God feels about us. So we’re left to pick through our circumstances: He loves me! He loves me not! (p. 47)
“Even David knew that in his more desperate moments. As he hid in a cave from those who sought to kill him, he cried out for God’s mercy. “Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you” (Ps. 143: 2). Aware of his own weaknesses, he was not willing to stake God’s favor on his performance.
What have been your challenges with removing performance standards in your relationship with God?
Later, as David prostrated himself over the public exposure of his adultery and the murder of the cheated husband, and as he grieved the loss of the son his affair produced, he again sought another standard: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Ps. 51: 17). The truth of the matter is, the same Scriptures that give us lists of qualifications to earn God’s favor also clearly state that there is not enough goodness in any one of us to fulfill those requirements. Only Jesus would be able to do so. No matter how much we try to earn his favor, we will always fall short.
For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. (Romans 3:23-24 NLT)
The more effort we give, the more distant he will seem. Why? Because the favor line causes us to swing between periods of self-pity and self-righteousness. When we recognize our shortcomings, we want to give up in despair. But even when we feel good about our efforts, we cannot understand why God doesn’t make himself as real for us as Scripture seems to indicate he is capable of doing. Self-righteousness can be a far greater deterrent to the relationship God wants with us than our failures and mistakes.” (pp. 47-48)
What are some of the ways you have seen self-righteousness damage relationships, both human and divine?
A Case Study:
Meanwhile, Saul was uttering threats with every breath and was eager to kill the Lord’s followers. So he went to the high priest. 2 He requested letters addressed to the synagogues in Damascus, asking for their cooperation in the arrest of any followers of the Way he found there. He wanted to bring them- both men and women- back to Jerusalem in chains.
3 As he was approaching Damascus on this mission, a light from heaven suddenly shone down around him. 4 He fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul! Saul! Why are you persecuting me?”
5 “Who are you, lord?” Saul asked.
And the voice replied, “I am Jesus, the one you are persecuting! 6 Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.”
7 The men with Saul stood speechless, for they heard the sound of someone’s voice but saw no one!
8 Saul picked himself up off the ground, but when he opened his eyes he was blind. So his companions led him by the hand to Damascus. 9 He remained there blind for three days and did not eat or drink.
. . . 15 But the Lord said, “Go, for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and to kings, as well as to the people of Israel. 16 And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name’s sake.” 17 So Ananias went and found Saul. He laid his hands on him and said, “Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus, who appeared to you on the road, has sent me so that you might regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 Instantly something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he regained his sight. Then he got up and was baptized. (Acts 9:1-9, 15-18 NLT)
Why did Jesus do this for him? What do you think Saul did to qualify for this moment? Does God’s favor insure that we will never experience discomfort?
“Saul was left with one inescapable fact: he had done nothing to propel himself above the favor line but found himself there nonetheless. He found that Jesus had loved him even when he had no idea who he was. For Jesus had shattered the favor line to free Saul from its tyranny. It changed him more than all he’d previously learned about God.
This is where relationship with God begins. It may sound impossible, especially if you’ve hoped for this in the past and you have only been disappointed by how remote he seemed when you needed him the most. All you knew to do was try even harder to be good enough to win his affection.
But such thinking will never lead you closer to him. Instead of teaching you to love him, it will only leave you angry and frustrated that you can’t do enough, or that he isn’t being fair to you. He wants to break this cycle the only way he can— by making his favor a gift instead of something you earn. (p. 50)
For God wanted them to know that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles, too. And this is the secret: Christ lives in you. This gives you assurance of sharing his glory. (Colossians 1:27 NLT)
Pray that God will teach you how to know him as he really is.
For Your Personal Journey:
Have events in your past left you disappointed with God’s love for you or overwhelmed you with your own failures? If so, find some time alone with God to go over those moments with him. Ask him to show you how thinking you had to earn his favor might have distorted your perspective of what was really going on. As a regular part of your prayers, ask God to show you where you are trying to earn his favor and ask him to help you see how much he takes delight in you as a loving Father. (p. 51)
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