I really enjoy the end of a year. It is a time to reflect on the previous 365 days. Sometimes that can be painful as we see things in our lives where we fall short. Forgive me for digressing for a moment as I tell you about a mirror. My mom has this makeup mirror at her house, and it is at least 20 years old. When you look into it, it magnifies your face. It picks up every little infirmity. It makes the little pores on your face look like sink holes. Many times I just have to look away because I don’t want to see my facial flaws. When I am reflecting on my life, I also have a tendency to see the sink holes or the flaws rather than the good things that I may have accomplished. At those moments, it is easy for me to get down on myself and feel discouraged…or just look away.
One time in which I was really discouraged was when I was on the mission field. I was reflecting on my life and saw some places where I had fallen short. Rather than going to Christ, I just started beating myself up emotionally. I asked myself the following question “How can you be a missionary and fall so short in your spiritual life?” I was discouraged! One morning we had staff devotion and the person who was leading the devotion said we are just going to sit and listen to God for the next 15 minutes. I don’t know if you have ever tried to “be still and listen to God”, but it is hard! However, before I could “be still and listen”, I had to ask God a question “Do you love me?” What I was really asking God was how He could love me even though I always seemed to fall short? After I asked God that question, I began to start crying. I left the devotion, went into my classroom, and asked God that question again “Do you love me?” I began to weep out loud. I didn’t hear an audible voice, but I just knew in my spirit that God was answering yes! As my thoughts went from my actions to God’s love for me, my discouragement became encouragement.
Later that morning, two girls came to me after my first class and said “Mr. Dickinson, we are so thankful that you take time to share God’s Word with us each week. What you said this morning really spoke to our hearts.” Again, God had encouraged me.
I failed to mention that same morning I was physically sick and was only going to teach for a half day. I was walking out of the building when a kid from another prominent faith asked me to talk to him. I told him I was not feeling well, and I was going home. But he said “I was going to ask you to pray for me.” This was a true miracle! I had been praying for this kid for over two years to come to faith in Christ. So, we went into my room, and he told me he had been having some stomach issues. He said “If your God is who you say He is I know He can heal me. So, will you pray for me?” I prayed and once again God encouraged me! On another note, this kid, who is now an adult, teaches at the same school. God is amazing!
Finally, I stopped in the office to check my mailbox before I was leaving for the day, and a teacher had left a very encouraging card for me. As I walked out of the building that day and got on the train to go home, I put my head against the glass of the window near my seat. I was physically sick, but God reminded me of my question that I posed only three hours before “Do you love me?” God answered me 4 times that morning: yes, yes, yes, and yes! God taught me a little more about His grace (undeserved favor) that morning! As you reflect on 2014, you may become discouraged and see some of your “flaws” as you look back on the mirror of your life. However, God wants me to tell you something “He loves you!” Go ahead and say it “God loves me!” Your sins – past, present, and future – were paid for on the cross. If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, a child of God, when you look into His mirror today, you should not see your flaws. You should see what He sees – His Son. Amazing grace! Happy New Year!