So, wives, how did you do last week in “submitting to your husband’s leadership”? Although we are in the section of Colossians speaking about family relationships, we must not forget about the context! Remember, the beginning of chapter 3 tells us that we are to concentrate on things above and not things of the earth. Also, we are “to put off” our old clothes and “keep on” our good clothes. It is impossible for a wife to submit to her husband’s leadership if she is not setting her mind on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. But enough about the wives, it is the husband’s turn this week! Let’s read Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.”
Notice husbands receive two commands from God here in this one verse! What!? Although the husband receives the leadership position, more is expected from him. The first command that God gives the husband is to “love your wife!” The New Testament uses several different Greek words that translators translate as “love”. The particular Greek verb here is agapao (which you have probably heard as the noun agape). This word is usually used for God’s love for His Son and God’s love for humans. It is an unconditional love coming from God. Two verses that shed a lot of light on our verse this morning is Ephesians 5:25, 28 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.” Wow! Husbands are supposed to love their wives like Christ loves his church – talk about unconditional love. Christ died for His church, and that is what kind of love that God wants us to have for our wives. Every time I read this verse, I am convicted!
Also, in verse 28 of the Ephesians passage, it says husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. As my body gets older, I even watch how I bend over, so I don’t pull a muscle in my back. I want to take care of my body as much as I can. You see, if we love our wives like God calls us to, I don’t think most wives would have a problem allowing their husbands to lead in the family unit. And vice-versa, if wives were submitting to their husbands as fitting to the Lord, husbands would have a much easier time loving their wives. Again, husbands and wives cannot do this in their own power. However, as believers, we have the Spirit of Christ inside of us. And as we concentrate on the things above, God will help us live out these verses!
But there is a second command in our verse today: “do not be embittered against them.” Notice, this is a negative command. God is telling us what not to do. That word “embittered” in the passive voice means to grow irritated, angry or harsh. If you want to deflate your wife’s spirit, become harsh or irritated with her. God commands us “do not be embittered against them.” So, let’s not help deflate our wives’ spirit, let’s help “breathe” life into it.
If I had to summarize the last two weeks, I would say that a wife’s greatest need is love while a husband’s greatest need is respect. Listen to Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” In Dr. Emerson Eggerich’s great book, Love and Respect, he says the following: “We asked 7,000 people this question: when you are in a conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected? 83% of the men said “disrespected.” 72% of the women said, “unloved.” Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue!” These statistics are pretty staggering. God had it right two-thousand years ago – Husbands, love your wife! Wives, submit out of respect to your husband. Again, we cannot do this in our own power – Christ in you the hope of glory!